October 1961
When I lost my voice I didn't do anything about it,was too obsessed
with Ari,wanted to get pregnant,to be his wife.I was possessed by the demon of music, the day I met him I became under his Emprise, possessed by his own demon, the demon of sex.
My voice is the most important thing in my life,I have only that,friends in Paris and fans from all over the world who knew and cared mentioned the famous herbalist Maurice Messegue ,in Fleurance,south west of France,others suggested the great Hungarian healer Oskar Estebany in Montreal,and Serge Alalouf in Toulouse,they were the greatest in their field,the healers of the day,Estebany and Alalouf were tested by most universities and their healing energies were confirmed,Messegue was the healer of the day, a medical herbalist who used a pendulum to diagnose and gave his own herbal preparations,osmosis , soaking your feet and hands his methoD was unique and powerful, among his clients the Princess Margaret and Madane de Gaulle the wife of the French President.They could have helped, I was too busy,too obsessed with Ari and the Jet Set.
At the same time the Opera de Paris wants me to become their Queen,to make Palais Garnier another Callas' home. Carmen,Dalila,Juliette,
choose,French like Italian was created for singing,I wanted to do
it,the will was there,but not the strength,the energy,I was
chronically tired.
And I love Ari,I am not men crazy like they say,I was,am and will always
be music crazy,possessed by that glorious demon of sound, will never
sacrifice my voice,my career for anything nor anyone,certainly not for
Ari,I took him back after Jackie,didn't have the choice,didn't have
anyone else at the time.
I could no longer sing,I alone knew why,not the critics,not Lord
Harewood,not Franco nor the Pope,I alone knew,was too ill to fight
destiny.I lost my voice because of the inflammation of the vocal
cords,which makes singing extremely painful ,inflammation is the first
sign of illness,any illness as they say,at the time I took too many
medications,for chronic fatigue,low blood pressure,to sleep,to wake up
in the morning ,they weakened my immune system,so inflammation sets in
I am a woman alone,then harassed by the French Press, L' Opera de Paris,Pathe Marconi and the movie houses
--- Would I make a movie, my life on film perhaps ?
--- Would I record some French operas, anything I care to choose ?
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